Now, it seems that when I'm alone with my memories and thoughts, I really miss the existence of love....now there's the existence of a void.
A huge part of this ordeal, is me not being able to change my ways....at least not in the short term....with time it would have been possible. It's also hard for me to open up and communicate in a relationship....J has given me several chances to do, and still articulation is hard.....it's something I know needed work on, and I wanted it to be to the point where it was a condition reflex...i'm simply not good at talking....
I look at the couples around me and wonder how did they do it? What's on their minds? Are they happy? I'd like to have that...in fact that was what I wanted with J....
Anyways, peeps here's a song by a band called "The Head and the Heart" (appropriately titled I'd say) called "Lost in My Mind".
Anyways peeps - TTYL
I know what you mean, SteveA. I've been single for almost 6 (maybe 7) years now, and just recently I noticed that I've been thinking more and more about my ex, about how close he was to what I really wanted from someone. At those times, I clean, my apartment which was too small for two people, but feels way too big for just me. Or I get into bed and start to read, mostly because when I get into bed, so do my cats, and it's nice to feel someone (okay, okay, something) close to me.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it is a matter of your changing yourself to become what someone else needs. I think it is a matter of two people accepting each other as they are, inability to talk or not. At some point I read in an article - I honestly think it was in the mag XY - something about the fact that you love someone in spite of rather than because of. Granted, you fall for someone because of the good things you see but you stay in love despite the not so good things you see. IDK.
Hugs.
JP - you hit the nail on the head. Thanks for your words of encouragement - it hit a spot with me when I read it....thanks bro...xoxo!
DeleteI believe that 'talking' about these things through your blog must be helping you. So, I encourage you to keep on doing it. Time heals everything and you'll see that in time you'll feel much better and a new guy will definitely come. :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear this. But you will love again
ReplyDeleteThis may sound ridiculously simplistic, and please forgive me if it is, but is it too late to call him and say you want a do-over? Let him know you've grown and are ready to communicate.
ReplyDeleteHey Larry - tried that! I think I tried as much as I could, and tired now. Thanks bud~
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